Saturday, March 25, 2006

The Cooking Shababbler (an oxymoron evidently)

Those who know me know I am not a cooker. In college when I lived with three guys (stereotypically the non-cookers of the world), one of them actually told me he thought it probably wasn't very healthy for me to eat so much food from the microwave. My thought at the time was "Dude - the microwave is cooking!". And that pretty much describes me - I AM microwave girl. I've had the occasional venture into the world of cooking and find it to be rather overrated - so much prep time, all the time for it to cook, followed by lots and lots of time for cleanup. Bleck!

However, I will occasionally wander into that land called the kitchen for something other than the microwave. Don't let me paint too impressive of a lead-in here.....it's only been within the last couple of years that I even learned how to do scrambled eggs.....and then I forgot how to do it and had to be guided when I attempted it recently (quite successfully I might add =-)). So that's me - the type of girl who would cringe at the thought of a guy who wants a lady that can prepare home-cooked meals. If grilled cheese sandwiches don't cut it he would be screwed (well hell, I wouldn't want a guy that expected me to cook all the time anyways!)!

In February I visited a couple of friends. The last time I went down there they had decided we would have a cooking evening (at which I quietly rolled my eyes - but went along with anyways and thought it turned out to be cool). The fella was in charge of the main dish and my female pal and I were in charge of dessert. Well, this time it was decided we would repeat the cooking bonanza. The duties were again laid out as before. This time we chose two desserts, and while one was a miserable failure, the other turned out to be pretty damn cool. "Phyllo Dough Nests." Mind you, we couldn't find the phyllo dough, so we created "Egg Roll Nests" instead and they turned out to be pretty darn groovy. I was so impressed that I bothered to copy the recipe (that alone would make some jaws drop).

My co-dessert creator recreated the nests with phyllo dough not so long ago and said it was the TALK of her function (to which she brought them). Well hot damn I was inspired!! And today was the day to present these lovely, lovely nests. I toiled for much longer than it says you will need to on the "prep time" - and realized phyllo dough can be a pain. I mixed together the proper ingredients and even halved the grapes to go on top. Wow - me, the Shababbler creating a smashing dessert - the world will be shocked!!!! So you can imagine my disappointment when the initial bites of my audience were coupled with looks of utter disgust. Seriously.

One of the two commented that it was the grapes (which she had bought, so I'm off the hook there) because they were sour. She picked those off and ate the rest. I couldn't keep my mouth shut in regards to their looks of disgust, but she commented "No, we said it was the grapes!" I came back with "No...you said it was the grapes, he said no such thing." He was racking his brain to try to unearth a way to explain away his disgusted face, but he just couldn't seem to come up with one. I continued along with my verbal acknowledgement of their disgusted looks. She told me "No, really....it was the grapes, they're okay." OKAY! Wow - well there's a recommendation to get me into culinary school!! He tried to tell me they were "Proud" of me for trying....which is probably one of the most disparaging remarks someone could make.

I know that I could have gone wrong by buying "low-fat" ricotta cheese instead of the full fat variety....but I think the true mistake came with buying the seemingly delicious (at least delicious sounding) chocolate/peanut butter chips instead of plain chocolate. It just didn't infuse as much of a powerful flavor.

So anyways - I think I shall return to my "I never cook" self. All of those future potential fellas who are looking for a lady who can cook? Turn your asses around homeboy because it ain't happening! And if my test audience is any proof, you wouldn't want me to try anyways.....there's a reason God created take-out and microwaves.

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